Oh, Mary! Put some clothes on girl, before the Feminists start going nuts!

Okay, here’s where I am really confused about the causes people get behind. Wow. I’m telling you women out there: please, do grow up. Get a sense of humor, would you please? Have a little tolerance and learn to let things go. Men are never going to change; we’re never going to get better. What you see is what you get, so get over it and just do what you can to maybe think on our level for a minute? I’ll explain.

Recently, there has been a lot of flap about the new sideshow collectibles Mary Jane statue. She’s standing in a suggestive pose, barefoot, thong showing, tattered jeans wearing a tight shirt, and last but not least, a pearl necklace. And we all know what that means, huh guys… Oh, and she’s washing Spidey’s costume in a bucket. She’s looking at the audience with a come hither look, as if she and Spidey had just finished the most glorious monkey sex while in his costume. Here’s a place for pics: http://www.sideshowtoy.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?item=6818

Ladies, (and the gents who want to get into their pants by supporting them), please, would you shut the fuck up about it already? I mean, come on! It’s a toy statue, there’s thousands of them, haven’t you ever seen manga? So what if she’s suggestively posed? So what if she’s wearing a thong? Are you really that furious that she’s doing the laundry? The following are some of the comments I’ve read about this from the feminist element out there. They run like talking points you’ve all heard them about other things.
“This represents exploitation of a strong woman in a male, sexually dominated pose.”
“This is ugly, and my 12 year old son hates it.”

“Mary Jane Parker is a strong, career oriented woman, and she would never be caught dead in something like this!”

“This is an insult to female comic readers!”

“How come she’s not pregnant? That’s the only thing Marvel missed.”

“And a pearl necklace, too?”

Now, allow me to respond, but first let me preface this whole statement with a disclaimer:

Ladies, if you feel you may get offended by what I have to say in the following, you may be right. I speak my mind, I don’t hold back, and I tell the unvarnished truth about life the way I see it. If you are easily offended by men who like to stick up for their gender by telling it like it is, then go away. Your best bet is to stop reading right now, for your own good because what I have to say is rather harsh. Thank you.

Now, I love women, I really do. I grew up with 5 sisters, and I like to think I have a pretty good handle on how to treat women. Opening doors, being nice, respectful, and all that. I’ve never had a complaint from a woman about me being a cad, a jerk, or misogynistic. I really love women. Everything about them really turns me on. They are strong, courageous, can take a lot of pain and come back fighting, spirited, talented and creative individuals. They create life for god’s sake! Guys wouldn’t even think about pushing a huge ball out of a 10 centimeter hole. Have you ever heard us trying to get rid of a big shit? It sounds like we’re fighting in a gladiator movie. Birth is a wonderful experience, and I watched my wife do it twice. I appreciate all you women do for us guys, and what you make us do for you. In the end, there’s a reward. Thank the lot of you for putting up with us.

For the record, I’d like to say I think this whole thing can be summed up thusly. This is a lot of women who haven’t gotten laid that much and need something to bitch about. The lot of them are probably a bit overweight, Emo Goth girls that no one wants to date, uptight feminist women who have been abused by a man more than once, girls who never got asked to the prom, or whatever slight they think men have done to them. I’m sure all of them have an issue with men as a race. I’m sure of it. But can we get some perspective here? Think of the audience for this statue. And first of all let me say this: I’m ambivalent about the statue. I don’t care one way or the other. I own worse than this. I used to work in a comic store where this kind of thing was commonplace to look at. It’s like the bouncer at a strip club. See that much tits and ass and you become immune to looking at it. It doesn’t affect you anymore. That’s how I feel about this. Sure, it’s a great looking statue, the pose, the eyes, and all that. Perfect fantasy pose, overdone features, tits that hang like Brianna Banks. I can’t get upset by it, because I’m a man, and I don’t really care one way or the other. The Europeans in the audience would agree with me, “Why are you getting upset by that?”

There are several things I’d like to say here to you gals who think this is upsetting you, or whatever the feminist dogma you’ve been preached at your whole lives. Let me let you in on a little secret: men like this kind of stuff. No really, we do. We like looking at big breasted thong wearing sex kittens. It turns us on. Why? Because, we have penises. Get used to it. Ladies, every guy out there has looked at naked pictures of women and drooled. Even when we were kids, national geographic was our porn. Men like looking at the naked female form. It’s hardwired into our brains to appreciate the female form. It’s our basic reason to exist and the only way to stop it is to close our eyes! So get over it and complain about something else that is more important! Like the war, or the NSA wire tapping, or the firing of justices for political reasons, or the violence against women in Darfur!

This is directed at fan boys! Kids and older men, perverts all, who want to see something like this and buy it because it looks cool and would go with their collections. And yes, we really are like that. There may be some sensitive guys out there who will be all about “I’m all for equality of the sexes.” And “I don’t like it either, it’s exploitive crap and I won’t have it in my house, darling. Now let’s see about those drapes for the kitchen window.” And I’m down with that. Whatever floats your boat. I’m all for equality as well, but I like to be gallant every now and then, and open a door for a woman, not because I want to get into her pants, but as a show of respect. That’s all. We’re not all pussy hungry drooling maniacs; some of us actually have a fondness for you ladies. But can you give us a few things and not bitch? Like this statue. Is it hurting you? Is it the worst thing in the world? Is it the most offensive thing you’ve ever seen? No, no, and no. So let it go. Your vitriol will not change anything; it won’t make Marvel collapse on its ear. It won’t make sideshow collectibles pull the piece. In fact it only makes it better for them when you DO bitch about it. I wouldn’t have found it if the squeaky wheels out there hadn’t started up. This kind of thing has been around since the beginning of comic books. Scantily clad woman in tight suits with big boobs and sexy suggestive poses. There have been complaints about this sort of thing since the beginning and it all comes down to a bunch of prigs who haven’t been laid in a while and need to be heard. And to all you dames out there who think it IS a bad thing to show women doing laundry for her man, it is not because she was ordered to do it by an abusive dominating man. Sometimes women do laundry for their men because it’s a nice thing to do for the ones they love. So quit your complaining, and go find something more worthwhile to bitch about. Like the illegal war in Iraq, the genocide in Darfur, NSA wiretapping, and a host of other things this administration is doing to take more and more of your freedoms away from you. Here endeth the rant.