Why the news media sucks, and answers to the Mary Jane Question

Okay, we’ve all gone fucking crazy. Totally nut balls insane. I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been building up a hatred for a lot of things and it finally boiled over the surface. My doctor tells me I shouldn’t let things bother me so much but I just can’t stand it any more. The American public has gone over the deep end, and no one seems able or wanting to stop it. We’re all doomed. And here’s why.

First, there are a few things I have to get off my chest. While lately all the news hasn’t been really bad, what with Carl Rove leaving the administration and Alberto Gonzales doing the same, perhaps we can get someone besides a Bush crony to take those jobs. Here’s hoping. Maybe god does answer prayers. Next is Dick Cheney, but I’m not holding out much hope. But I don’t really want to talk about politics, except for a few things concerning our friend Mr. Craig.

Larry, we don’t care if you’re gay or not. Admit it, deny it, we don’t care. Mistakes happen. No reason to go on a witch hunt over a simple misunderstanding. But man oh man, could we give this guy a break already?! Why do we have to report on this kind of thing 24/7? Ask 100 Americans if they care about this guy and whether or not he’s gay and 99 of them will answer, “Who’s Larry Craig?” We don’t give a shit! Stop reporting salacious news like this as if we should care about it! And that brings up another problem that I have with the news, and the news media in general.

Over the past three months, there have been days when we have heard about the following subjects or people ad infinitum: Paris Hilton, Anna Nicole Smith, Michael Vick, Katie Couric, Lindsey Lohan, Lady Diana, Hurricane Katrina, and umm…. What else? Hmm…. Oh yeah, Iraq. Here’s my problem: there’s only one topic in all of those that I need to hear about, care about, and that really bothers me. Iraq. We should be reporting on that disaster 24/7. It should be up front, right in our faces all the time. I want CNN and MSNBC to become the Iraq channels. I want to hear about what the troops are doing, what the insurgents are doing, what is being blown up, how the people of Iraq are living, and I want it in my face, and in every American face every fucking day! Why? Because it’s important to hear what’s happening over there every day. It’s important for every American rich and poor to see what our government is doing. Ask anyone about the Haditha massacre and they will answer “Huh?” I’m telling you, Americans are not being informed about this kind of thing. And if they are, they don’t want to hear about it because there are obviously far more important things to hear about than a war where our soldiers are butchering women and children. That’s bad news, we don’t want to hear it. We would rather go over and find out how Paris Fucking Hilton is doing in jail this week, what she’s eating, and who she’s talking to.

And here’s another thing, WE DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT PARIS HILTON, ANNA NICOLE, OR ANY OTHER FAT, THIN, EXOTIC, STUPID ACTRESS WHO GETS ARRESTED IN A DRUNK DRIVING CASE! WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT! STOP TELLING IT TO US AS IF IT WERE NEWS, BECAUSE IT’S NOT!

Sorry, just had to get that one off my chest. I’m a little better now. But really, do we need to know who the father of Anna’s baby is? I gotta tell you, I stayed up nights thinking about that question. It ran through my head like a hamster in a wheel, and when I finally found out, a load had been lifted. Now we can finally get some peace because we found out some drunk hillbilly actually had sex with the fat pig. THIS IS NEWS?! This is important for us to hear?! Really?!

And then there’s Paris Hilton. Poor dear, gets caught drunk driving and has to go to jail. Just like everyone else in the country that suffers the same fate. Do we hear about John Smith, the no name guy leaving the bar who gets pulled for the same thing? NO! Maybe in a police blotter on the back page of the style section in your daily paper, but not 24 hours a day on national news. This became a media event for 2 fucking days. Meanwhile dozens of people were slain in Iraq, but how much air time did they get? Couple of minutes at the top of the hour, that’s all. And that’s what is making me sick. We get the news of whatever hippie rock start, actor, wealthy socialite is doing, or drinking, or fucking, and we don’t hear what’s really happening in the world, what is really affecting us.

It used to be, prior to 24 hour news that we would hear about the things that mattered. I mean, really mattered. Walter Cronkite, Dan Rather, Sam Donaldson, and others would tell us the real news, the important stuff, like what was happening in Vietnam during the 60s and 70s. We would hear about what the president was doing, what he said that day, and how this information affected our lives. We trusted them, they were informed, and they cared. What do we have now? A slew of uninteresting, uninformed, misguided hacks who couldn’t tell real news if it jumped out and hit them in the face. Oh sure, there are a few stand outs. Anderson Cooper for one is still telling it straight. The aforementioned Katie is still the genuine article, (and I’ll get with her in a minute), and Brian Williams still care about the real news, real hard hitting journalism that needs to be told. Would any of the assholes over at fox wade into murky flood water to save a trapped child? Fuck now, wouldn’t want to get our Armani suits dirty. Ask Anderson Cooper to do the same? Great! He’ll jump in and go to it. Why? Because he fucking cares about people, that’s why. He has passion to tell the truth, and that’s what we need in the media: people who aren’t afraid to tell the fucking truth, unfiltered, in your face. We need to care, and stop going around like a bunch of fucking sheep listening to fake news about celebrities and rock star whores as if it were fucking important. No wonder people in other countries think we’re stupid. It’s really true. Hate to burst the bubble for you folks, but Americans are really dumb sometimes. Ask Ms. Teen South Carolina 2007 about a map recently? This is what our edumacation system is learnin’ us these days?

Here’s another thing about our so called news programming that pisses me off. And I’m a little biased because I hate Fox News. So that is where my ire is going to be directed. Recently, they got on Katie about going to Iraq, and how it was dangerous, and about how she needed the ratings, and about how it was a publicity stunt, and oh, what about her poor little children? WHO GIVES A FUCK?! I don’t care about her ratings, her children, or any kind of publicity. We need to know what she is going over there to report about! We need to talk to the boys on the ground, we need to hear from the Iraqi people, we need to see what is actually happening over there. Fox news, if you want my thoughts, how about instead of getting a couple of pundits talking about why Katie is going over there and why she’s a bad person for doing so, why not spend that same amount of news time showing us actual fucking news! Here’s a thought, instead of having two idiot women talk about Katie Couric and why it’s a bad idea for her to go, take the same time and tell us the reason she had to go in the first place! She’s going because this war is in its fifth year and there has been no progress. How many of us hear about the catastrophic jump in military suicides over the past three years? How many of us hear about the rate of operation exhaustion, or the fact that most soldiers are on their third or fourth tour of duty? How many of us see the coffins of dead GIs come back from the war? Anyone? Hello? Oh yeah, I forgot. Paris Hilton just got arrested for drunk driving again and no one can figure out who the father of Anna’s baby is. Sorry, I thought there was real news on, forgive me for taking you out of reality for a while. Didn’t mean to rain on your celebrity parade there. Hmm? No, go on. You gotta hear about Britney and Lindsey and Anna, and Diana, and Nicole. Because these people really affect your lives. Really, they do. Not a day goes by, me wondering about what the fuck Paris Hilton is doing. Keep it up, Fox. I need to know all the Fair and Balanced Republican news you have to tell me. No wonder we’re stupid about the world. Katie, keep up the good work. Fuck the ratings. Tell the story. Be safe.

Now, on to some other stuff that has recently pissed me off. Michael Vick. You sorry sack of shit. You murdered dogs and left their carcasses to rot in your yard. You pissed them off and made them fight each other and you shot the losers in the head. Who does this?! What twisted fucking moron thinks this is a good idea?! You’re a fucking multi million dollar sports hero! Fucking act like one, stupid ass. And then you got caught. Awww… poor baby. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to kill puppies. Kids, learn from my example, don’t murder dogs.”
That was what got me going over the edge. Kids learn from my example?! We didn’t need a fucking example! It’s just wrong on so many levels you have no idea! My kids know not to hurt puppies. Other kids know not to hurt puppies. Kids like puppies! Why do they need you as an example of what not to do?! You want to be an example to kids, why not play football and join the united way. Be a good guy. Sign autographs for free, kiss babies in the street, and donate a million dollars to a homeless shelter. Buy a poor person a house, a car, or food for their family. God knows you have enough money from catching a football every now and then. Be a good example, not a bad one. Kids didn’t need to have you be an example of what not to do. They already knew it, Mr. Vick. They already knew what not to do. Didn’t need you to tell them, thanks.

Okay, so I’m going to finish, but not before I get one more thing off my chest. Apparently, one can say all kinds of things in a negative light about our president. One can call Christians “Zombie worshippers”. One can say horrible things about all kinds of people in the world and not get even a hint of disagreement or anger about it. In fact, most of the people who have read my blogs give me positive feedback. But whatever you do, don’t piss off a feminist. Can’t say anything bad about women, that’s a no-no. Here’s a smattering of complaints about my last rant concerning good old Mary Jane Watson.

…Yes there are worse statues, ones which are sexually violent and down right offensive. But then, I should have a sense of humour about those too, right?...
Yes, you should. I think humanity needs to get a little less offended by something that doesn’t affect their lives, and get a little more offended by what does. That was the point of my rant about the statue.

…Speak for yourself, tovarisch. This man is getting better. And as for your "This is a lot of women who haven't gotten laid..." sideswipe, I suspect they're not the only ones that didn't get to go to the prom…

Yes, I went to the prom. I had a good time. I have a lot of fun with women. I grew up in a house full of them. And by writing this blog about the statue doesn’t mean I don’t love or respect them any less, comrade.

…You make me ashamed to be a hetereosexual white male,…

This one, I can’t even respond to. Wow… and it’s Heterosexual. You wouldn’t happen to be one of those metro sexual guys would you? And were you by any chance implying that I was homosexual? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

…Man, I can't imagine why women would feel that they were being treated like second class citizens. It's not like their opinions are dismissed with comments about how they really just need to get laid, or anything….

Here’s a thought. Maybe if women did get laid a little more they wouldn’t be so damn uptight about everything. Don’t over think us guys and you’ll do just fine. Give us a chance, we can get it right you just have to be patient with us. We want to hear what you have to say, but when you act all crazy and illogical we don’t know what to do. On this cause you just aren’t being logical. Hence the rant about how crazy nut balls insane you feminists are. So I went over the top. I did it to get a rise out of a few of you hard core bra burners out there. Get over it.

…You like women?...

Yes, in fact, I do. I love women. Take sex out of the picture and even then you ladies are mysterious, crazy, cool, and beguiling. We need you around to make us do things. We like having you around. You add life to the world, what’s not to love about that? The kind of women I don’t like are ones that have crazy over reactions to simple things that shouldn’t even be given any kind of attention at all. But yes, I love women dearly. And not just for the sex.

...Yeah, and having some black friends DOSEN'T make you a racist…

I don’t even know where to start with this one but I’ll give it a try. Are you implying by my rant against women that I’m a racist? I don’t know how these two subjects fit together. Having a gripe against women and having bad things to say about blacks is completely different. I have women friends, and I have black friends. See the explanation about women above, captain.
…You are allowed to make your opinons. But I reserve the right to say those opinons are pieces of CRAP…

You’re actually right on that. We live in a country that allows us to air our grievances. I’ll give you that one. And it’s opinions, by the way. However, we are getting to a point in this country where we can’t air our grievances and say what’s on our minds. I think it would be better for all involved to keep an eye on our civil liberties instead of a statue that affects no one. That way, when the bad guys come to your door to take away our books, you’re informed about it and it doesn’t come as a surprise. Just a thought.

…Your belief that the only women who are upset about this are unfucked overweight emo-goth girls who are blogging into the lonely wee hours of their nightly solitude just shows what an utterly backwards man you are…

Wow, totally missed the point on this one. And I saved this one for last because I wanted to explain the gist of the matter and why I ranted. First off, let me apologize to all you ladies I offended by my less than flattering manner of my last blog. Apparently a lot of you kittens don’t like a man who tells it like it is and gives you the straight scoop about male and female relations. Most of my rant came from personal opinion and what I’ve seen about the world as a guy. But you gotta admit, you ladies are a little nuts sometimes. I know why, too. You have a different brain chemistry, you are actually a bit smarter than men, and you expect us to be just as smart as you. That’s what pisses you off about us. You’re looking at people every day that would rather jerk off on the couch watching Kathy Lee than go out and work for a living if given the choice. We men do shit for thrills, ever watch the show Jackass? We all would do things like that. The only reason most of us grew past the maturity of a 12 year old boy is that we had to get jobs and a family and add to the gross domestic product. But if you ladies weren’t here, we’d be beating each other over the head with sticks just to see what would happen and to have a laugh. You make us do shit. And that’s why we like having you gals around. Without you we’d be more barbaric than we are now. So sometimes, we like to look at something that makes us go “Zing!” and the statue of Mary Jane was just that: something nice to look at in the wee hours of the morning before we have to get up and go do shit. So, I’m finishing this up, and based on the comments I’ve received about this topic I think I’m going to leave it alone. I’ve had my say, that’s how I feel, and if you feel the need to call me on anything above, please do so. Just don’t expect me to say anything else about it. And here endeth the rant.