Don't put shoes on the native's feet

Imagine that, another religion rant. I just felt the need to come right out and say a few things about some of you “Christians”. Now, before you get all crazy on me, hear me out. I’m a Christian. I basically follow my own brand of personal philosophy that helps me get through the day. But here’s the thing, you don’t have to go through the son to get to god. It’s not like he’s not listening anyway. There’s no celestial middleman here, it is the same dude.
Now, here’s my complaint. Yesterday I was minding my own business, selling junk in a yard sale. This was Sunday, and a lot of god fearin’ folk around here go to church. There are about 7 within a rock’s throw from my house. I live in a tiny community and everyone knows everyone else. So, since I just recently moved into town, I have been invited to more than a few of these churches, by some nice folks. Usually the conversation starts with them asking where I go to church, or if I have found a church yet. I usually answer yes, I go to my father’s church when I visit and I also have my own faith. I usually walk away at that point because I let people believe the way they want and I keep my religion to myself. Usually people are respectful of that. Usually. Then we get to people like the following.
Okay, so, back to the yard sale. A white van pulls up, filled with a Cracker family. I mean white bread and grits all the way. The man steps out, long hair, beard, and a suit that’s probably the only one he owns. This is his “Sunday goin’ to chuch suit”. So, he comes over and says, “Hey, we noticed you were here, and wanted to invite you to our church.” Here we go again, I’m thinking. “We’re Baptist, and right up the road is where we worship, you aught to come join us.”
“Well,” I answered, trying to be as polite as possible, “I have my own faith, I’m not really into the whole church thing, sorry.” He looked as if he had been slapped in the face. As if my not going to church was offensive to him and he couldn’t believe it. I wanted to walk away right there, but I was stuck. Currently there was just him and me in a field surrounded by plastic toys, comic books, lamps, and other wares we were selling that day. There was no escape.
“Why don’t you go to church?” he asked, incredulous at the thought. “How can you live without Jesus in your life?” Then he went on this whole spiel about smoking weed all day, getting drunk, beating his cracker wife, yelling at his kids, being a burnout, etc. you know the stories. Ask any “born again” and you’ll here the same sad tale of family problems, drug and alcohol abuse, and being on the street homeless. Now, I’m not trying to minimize this, don’t get me wrong. Sure, everyone has to hit rock bottom, and I understand finding religion is good for folks. My own father had problems before he stopped drinking. But he was Tolerant. He didn’t yell and scream at the top of his lungs to every person he met about the wonders of Jesus and how the man changed his life. And this is the big problem I have with folks like this. They don’t know when to stop. Like Mr. Cracker, who just kept on with his spiel.
“Huh,” I said. “That’s a sad tale. I’m glad the church thing is working for you.” I was trying to end the conversation, but I couldn’t get away from this guy. He just kept on.
“Yeah, I just felt compelled to stop and welcome you to the neighborhood and see if you wanted to come to my church. It’s a great place and people are warm and friendly.” Now, I was starting to get that thing in the back of my brain that makes me turn into an asshole when I’m confronted by people like this. There’s a level of bullshit I’m willing to listen to and take and when you get to that point, my gloves come off and I go for the jugular. I was about to start undoing the straps on my verbal tirade, hoping this guy would take the hint and go away. He just kept on me like a pit bull.
“It’s like I said, I’ve already got a church and it suits me just fine.”
“Where is that?” he asks.
“My church is the world, I feel I can find god anywhere in it. I have my own faith, thanks.”
“Well how do you find god and Jesus without going to a church?” he asked, and that’s when my asshole meter started going into the red.
“I find organized religion unnecessary, actually.” And when I said that, he just looked at me as if I had slapped him.
“Why is that? Religion has helped me a lot. And I think it can help you too.” I was starting to loose my cool, and I don’t know if he could sense it or not, but I tried one last time to be diplomatic.
“While I can understand that religion has saved you, and God showed you the way, and you have found Jesus and gotten off of whatever it was you were on, and I thank you for stopping by, but really I’m not interested.” Fine, cool, calm, and collected. I thought this would be the ending of it. But no, he had to say something else. This Cracker white man “Born again” fuck had to keep on.
“Yes, it has, friend,” he said with a smile of crooked teeth. “And I think Jesus can save you too.” And that was it for me. I had had about all of this guy I could take. And one last time, one final time I said, trying to be diplomatic, “I’ve been saved, thanks; I’m okay in that department. Really, I don’t have time for this chat anymore.”
“Then why don’t you go to church?” he said again. That’s when my asshole meter went into the red all the way full bore. I stopped, took a breath, and went on the following rant at him.
“Because Jesus is a zombie, that’s why. Because the church isn’t good for anything but getting together and gossiping about other people. Because I have better things to do with my time than go make nice with people I really don’t like in the first place. Because I tend to think that all nature is my church, and I feel spiritual wherever I am, not just in an edifice built by man when I can go out in my back yard and be in a garden built by the goddess, mother earth. I’m doing fine without your zombie cult, thank you very much. So please, be on your way, you aren’t getting a convert today, so I guess you’ll have to go somewhere else to find someone who will join your voodoo cult. Thank you and goodbye.”
He stood there as if I had just slapped him in the face. Which I had, but you know the guy had it coming. So, he said, “Fine. It was nice meeting you, and I’ll pray for you.” Then he got back in his car (that was still running, mind you) and drove away in a huff. I couldn’t help but smile as he did. I like to push buttons sometimes, and this guy had buttons all over him. Like I said earlier, I’ve no problem with anyone’s faith. However you find strength and faith is perfect for you and no one else. Keep it to yourself. Where I have a problem is with this type of person, the one who wants to have you join him and won’t stop until you either agree with them or piss them off. I find it hard to understand why this type feels the need to get in your face about religion, as if they found the only true way and path to god. And any other way is wrong, or somehow will lead you to hell.
There’s a saying, the same as the title, which I like to live by. It’s actually simple if you think about it. Before Cracker Whitey came over on the boats, there was a relatively peaceful group of people who lived in this hemisphere that were native to the lands. They had their own personal philosophy, their own gods, and they got along just fine and dandy. Then, Cracker Whitey came in and started trying to convert them to Christianity. They put shoes on the people, and dressed them in modern clothes, and put them in churches as a way to integrate them into society so they would no longer be considered “savages”.
Well, you know what? I kind of like being a savage. I kind of like to believe the way I do. It works for me. I’m happy. I have faith in a spirit that guides me and helps me feel good about my life. I don’t need anything other than that. I get along just fine so I don’t need the shoes, thanks. My moccasins are doing okay by me.
So if you feel the need to stop me on the street and harangue me about going to church, following scripture, finding Jesus or anything like that, you will find my response cold, and unforgiving. I can’t believe that there are people out there who feel it necessary to tell me about how they live their life. I also find it hard to understand, that while the teachings of Jesus are about tolerance, and love, and forgiveness, that these same Zealots are the ones who don’t follow their own god’s tenets. They are probably the most unloving, unforgiving, and intolerant people around. And you know the type because you have been accosted by folks like this before, I’m sure.
Now I know I’m probably going to hell for saying some of the things I said to the guy but here’s the thing. I’m sure he’s praying for my soul, so I should be okay. And, I really don’t believe in the whole, “fire and brimstone, eternal torment in lakes of flame” kind of hell like most people do. The truth is, no one knows. And I’m not going to start worshipping god the way other people do, simply on the chance of the mysterious “What If?” that I hear from some of the “Born agains” who want me to join them in their holy crusade. You want to believe that? Bully for you. Me? I’ll keep my sandals on thanks. There are many paths to God, and my path leads to the natural world, and that church is just fine by me, thank you very much. And here endeth the rant.

The Religious Right, Da Vinci, and the Cult of the Zombie Lord

The Religious Right, Da Vinci, and the Cult of the Zombie Lord


Okay, here goes another rant, so lets have some fun. I love words, and I think they are the magic that creates life, or destroys it. Words can heal, and they can hurt, and they can make a person love, and they can make a person hate. Words are beauty, and words are ugly. Words can lead to peace, and they can just as easily lead to war. So lets have some fun with words, and particular meanings. This is what the dictionary and encyclopedia have to say about the following:

Religious
Having or showing belief in and reverence for God or a deity.
Of, concerned with, or teaching religion: a religious text.
Right
In accordance with fact, reason, or truth; correct
That which is just, morally good, legal, proper, or fitting.
The people and groups who advocate the adoption of conservative or reactionary measures, especially in government and politics. Also called right wing.


Leonardo and the Da Vinci Code
Italian painter, sculptor, architect, musician, engineer, and scientist, responsible for works of art such as: Madonna of the Rocks, Mona Lisa, etc. If you are an artist, you know him. Hes a great artist. Lets just leave it at that.

Zombie
souls of the dead returned to earth and haunt the living.
One who looks or behaves like an automaton

Now, Im sure you are asking yourself, what do all these things have in common? Is he going to attack religion? No, I think not. To do that would be to go against the very fabric of society, and Im not prepared to do that. And let me just say for the record right now, yes, I am somewhat religious, but I dont think that my religion should be that of any other human being on this planet. What I say and how I feel are my ideas only. If you agree, beautiful. If you dont? oh well thats fine too. Whether you are Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or worship the great Greek pantheon, if it works for you then that is great. I just wanted to get that out of the way before anyone started hitting that reply button to respond to this. Just read, youll see where Im coming from in a minute.
Okay, now, having said that, I object strongly to religion suddenly coming out in the way our political structure runs. Sure, its nice to say One nation under God, but are we really? I think not. The god I worship is all inclusive, forgiving, and loving. When I hear things like this, No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God. From a president of the United States, George H.W. Bush, I get a little concerned. Lately there has been a movement of ultra conservative bible thumping zealots out there like Pat Robertson, Don Wildmon, and others, to inject more and more religious theocratic laws into our government. While a lot of people take these guys as deranged lunatics, myself included, I fear that there are those out there who actually give these raving psychos money, time, and attention. Lets look at a few things from these gentlemen, and what they have said in the past, shall we? Pat Robertson once prayed, to God, for him to smite down the wicked liberal judges on the Supreme Court just so we could get more conservative judges on the bench to repeal the Roe V. Wade decision and outlaw abortion. Now, Im not going to go into the abortion discussion, because thats not my right as a man. Its a topic that has been debated enough, and Im not prepared to interject my opinions about it at all here.
But asking god to smite down people who dont share your views? Thats just fucking wrong on so many levels Im surprised god didnt come down and smite him just for having the balls to ask for such nonsense. And arent we as Christians supposed to follow his laws and be forgiving, kind to our neighbors, and love each other as ourselves? Or did I miss a meeting somewhere where all that was overturned? I dont think so. Ill keep to the worship of my loving god, thank you very much.
This brings me to my next word, Right. We all know what that word means, and there are several different definitions. But lets talk about the one above, the one that talks about the Right Wing. There has been a disturbing trend over the last several years to bring more and more religion into our governmental body. We have principals bringing the Ten Commandments into the Schools, religious groups advocating prayer in classrooms, and even the concept of Intelligent Design into the whole evolution/creation debate. Hey, all you Intelligent Design folks: Nice try on bringing a dumbed down version of creationism into the mix. Better luck next time. Now, whether you believe in evolution as a theory of our existence, or that a great creator made two people and had them go forth and multiply, thats up to you, and you only. Hell, you can go and believe aliens from the planet Gogosphere 9 came down and mated with the neanderthals, and thats why humanity is here. If it works for you, then great. Keep it to yourself, and dont try putting it out there as if it belongs in our schools. Schools should be teaching fact, mathematics, reading, writing, art, history, etc. We have more documented fact from science about the fundamental building blocks of life, the universe, and how we came to be than from the religious texts handed down by men and put into a book of myth and fantasy. It is amazing, with millions and billions of years of evolutionary evidence, that people can still look at the world and think that it was made in 6 days and is only 6000 years old. Simply fucking amazing how people can be so brainwashed and believe the fantasy to be truth.
Dont get me wrong, Im not attacking the bible. But just know, its a collection of stories, and myths, and fables, and songs and parables about how to live life. Genesis is a myth, and no one will ever have the answer to how we came to be. Ever. The world is a magical place, filled with wonder and mystery. However, I tend to think that scientists are probably getting the answer correct. Does this mean religion is wrong? That we shouldnt believe in God? No. What works for you doesnt necessarily work for the next guy. Nor should it. We all worship in our own ways. Just keep it to yourself and leave it out of our lives.
Which brings me to my next point. THE DA VINCI CODE IS FICTION!!! Sorry, I felt I had to yell that just to make a point. Its a good book, a good movie, and not an attack on the church at all. It is fiction, Dan Browns look at the quest for the holy grail. So you religious nutcakes out there want to make it out to be an attack on Christianity? Its not! Its a theory, an Idea, a possibility that may be truth, but dont attack the book please. So what if the idea of Jesus and Mary having a child is pointed out to be a possibility? You can still take the teachings of Jesus to be what you live by. So he knocked boots with a woman and sired a child? Does this make his teachings any less valid? NO! So just grow up already and grow a brain and shut the hell up already. No one wants to hear from you. Go back home, open up your bible and get to the self flagellation and leave us alone. Stay out of the media, and put the signs down.
And this brings me to the next idea. About Jesus, and why I pointed out the word Zombie. A zombie, by definition, is a creature that rises from the grave and haunts the world of the living, a revenant that comes back from the dead. Huh, kinda sounds like your Lord and Savior doesnt it? Didnt he die and three days later rise from the grave with great strength and come back to haunt the world? Oh my god, Jesus is a Zombie! So, if you want to follow that logic, you would have to say all you Christians out there worship a guy who came back from the dead to feast on the blood and flesh of the living. Hey, didnt he even say, eat of my flesh, drink of my blood? Welcome all ye of faith, to the Cult of the Zombie Lord!
Now, Im being sarcastic of course. I would never profane the works of our lord and savior, the martyr who died for our sins and the son of God. But you can see my point, however facetious I might be. All Im saying is that its about time for the religious right in this country to stay Right where they are and leave politics alone. Its time for them to stay away from our schools and let teachers do their jobs without interjecting your mythical belief structure on them. Its about time for you to put down the signs that say Dan Brown is a bad guy who is going to hell. Its about time to stop boycotting a movie for putting out a fictional account of bible doctrine (which is itself fiction to a certain degree). And, its about time to admit to yourselves that maybe, just maybe, the god you worship may in fact be a zombie. Here endeth the rant.

Lies my parents told me, and the lies of my government

So, here is the first of a weekly blog entitled Terrainmonkey Rants. This is where I will set down thoughts, ideas, and all those lovely things that are going on in my head that are pissing me off. Now, heres the thing about these missives of public design, and one I want to be made absolutely clear: YOU ARE GOING TO DISAGREE WITH ME. I had to put that in all caps just to let you know we are going about this with that up front. I make no bones about being an absolute authority in regards to the things I preach about, and thats fine. Im not here to make you happy, just make you think, question, and ask why. This is my editorial about the world, life, the universe, and all those things that I feel are my opinions. I have strong opinions about a lot of different subjects, and I decided to air some of those. If you have differing opinions about what I have to say, great. Its like the old saying goes, Opinions are like assholes, and everyones got one. You can let your mind finish the rest. Now, you may feel like posting a comment or emailing me with your ideas, how they differ, and all that. To which I say, please do. If I make a mistake, and you feel it is your duty to correct me, go ahead. If you agree with what I have to say, and want to send me kudos, please do. I like feedback. If I make you think, make you upset, angry, and positively vitriolic, I feel I have done my job. Everyone has to feel some kind of passion about life, and anger is passion. Let it out. Holding it in isnt going to help at all. If I make you laugh with these rants, beautiful. That is the essence of life. Life without laughter is no life at all. Now, on with the first of many discussions about the state of the world.

Lies my parents told me:
When I was a kid, my parents told me about a fat jolly man in a red suit who rode a sleigh carried by eight reindeer who came down the chimney every year on Christmas to hand out presents in the night. Why this was so I never questioned, because they were my parents, and in those days I trusted everything my parents told me. They were the providers, the people who fed me, nurtured me, and gave me a place to live. They set the rules, the parameters of life, and told me what I needed to be told in order to survive in life. They also told me about a giant fluffy bunny that hid eggs and brought candy on Easter, and the tooth fairy left a dime under my pillow every time I lost a tooth. These things were real, and to a kid under 10, life is fantasy. And fantasy at that age is just as good as reality. I never questioned these things because there was solid evidence to support the lie. Every Christmas there were presents, every Easter there was eggs and chocolate, and every time I lost a tooth, there was a dime under my pillow.
Now, I can hear you folks out there in Cyberville asking where are you going with this? Allow me to explain. When I was 8, and just about the time I started questioning my parents, the lies were exposed. My father had been laid off of work, it was the mid 70s and jobs were scarce. Christmas loomed like an angry troll, and there were mouths to feed and presents to buy, but no money to do it. So, one day mom sat me down and told us what was happening. Now up to this point I was safely ensconced in the notion that Santa Claus was prepping to come to the world bearing gifts and that huge 1000 piece lego set was going to be mine soon. So, when she told us that we werent going to have a Christmas that year, I was shocked. Mortified! I could hardly believe it. What about santa? I asked. Then the bombshell: Son, she told me, Your father is Santa Claus, its all a myth.
I still couldnt believe it. All those years they had lied to me, the world had lied to me, the guy who sat in the mall with the big red suit and the beard had lied to me. What about the evidence? What about all those shiny gifts on Chrismas? What about all those Easter Eggs, and the Tooth fairy money?! All lies. A sham! A cunning deception! A trick played out in the world and everyone was involved. My 8 year old heart couldnt take it. All this time I had been lied to by the very people I was supposed to trust, my protectors, my shield, my bulwark against the bad guys of the world. Imagine my surprise the next week when the miracle happened.
So, here it was, Christmas day, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep all day and not come out of my room. I had no incentive to even talk to my parents, I was so upset. But then, like the Whos down in Whoville, there was singing, and laughing, and my mother came to the room and called me down to the living room. I got up, excited, and went to see what was the matter. And I was glad in it. On the living room floor, boxes and boxes and piles of presents were all over the place. There was no room on the floor for anymore. The entire space had been filled with shiny bright multicolored wrapped packages. Santa had come. My 1000 piece lego set was there, and stockings full of candy hung by the fire. The evidence was there, and my parents didnt lie to me after all. They had produced a Santa Claus, they made the myth real to me, and to this day, even after having a couple of kids, I still believe in him. Not the jolly guy in the red suit, but the spirit of him, the reality of the spirit of Christmas. The people of the neighborhood had heard our plight, stepped in, and asked what they could do. They delivered a miracle.
Now, I hear you asking. What does this have to do with anything? and heres the answer. Our government, supposed to be our national parent, with King George W Bush II at the helm as out national father, has lied to us. Big time. And he keeps lying to us, every day. Which brings me to my point, the essence of the rant.

Lies my Government Told me.

Early in the months of 2002, after the attacks of 9/11, I heard the president of our country, our National Father, say that Iraq was producing weapons of mass destruction and had ties to the attacks of 9/11. Now, most of the time I feel that politicians are liars, and while most of them may obfuscate the truth, there are others out there who are actually good hearted folks trying to do the right thing. Up to that point I was safe in the knowledge that our president, while somewhat of a dufus, had the best interest of our nation at heart. I would like to think that is still the case, but recent news shows us that it is not. So, I went along with the story. Saddam was a bad guy, who gassed his people, starved his populace and was looking for nuclear material to bomb the world and kill more people. I was as frightened as the next person, after watching the visceral terror that happened that summer morning in September. But, I said, What evidence do we have? because I am a skeptic at heart. And, like my Father before him, our government produced it. Loads of it. Hell, even Colin Powell went in front of the United Nations and showed us satellite imagery, anthrax factories, munitions sites, roving semis laden with biological weapons labs, and a vial of some horrible chemical that would kill thousands if dropped into the water supply. Condi Rice was talking of mushroom clouds over New York City, and Bad Things were going to happen if we let this bad guy keep going with the program. Bad Things indeed. Bullshit, all of it. But did we know then? No. because we believed it, how could we not? The evidence was clear, unequivocal. Why would a member of our administration lie to the World Body? To sell a war, thats why. A war that to this day has cost our country over 2400 lives and that is rising every day. And that pisses me off, because it was unnecessary, and they sold us a lie to do it.
Now, normally I like to give my government the benefit of the doubt. So, when the war started, while I wasnt all for it, I had a big problem with the preemptive nature of our assault on Iraq. I thought maybe the weapons inspection teams should have been given more time, and diplomacy should have been used a bit better, but in the end, all was made right. Saddam Hussein was toppled, the mission was accomplished, and the statues of Saddam were being ripped down. It was a perfect movie ending to a conflict that lasted a few weeks and didnt cost that many lives. George landed a plane on an aircraft carrier and told us the war was over. Our troops were in Bagdahd, and people were smacking pictures of Saddam with their shoes. All was well and happy.
Then the lies started coming in. We searched, and went to all those sites north, east, south, and west of Tikrit and Bagdad, as Rummy had told us. We found nothing. There were no WMDs. But they kept lying to us, saying that they were there. Then the other stuff came out. There was no report that linked Osama to Iraq. Hell, people started saying they hated each other, why would they work together? Then the report that said Saddam had not tried to get the nuclear material to make bombs. Then the report came out that he didnt even have a weapons program that could fire a bomb at any target. And all those things didnt stop the Spin Machine of the King George White House from continuing to lie to us. Now, I understand politics to a certain degree, and I expect a fair amount of deception. Clinton taught us that, but that was small potatoes compared to this one. That was a sure you look great in that dress, lie. This was a monumental fabrication, a No I didnt cut down that cherry tree, while holding the axe behind his back, lie. And Georgie aint no Washington. If he were, we wouldnt be in this shit up past our eyeballs right now. And every day more and more bodies of our brave soldiers over there come back in coffins because of the lies.
I feel it is incumbent on every American to question the way our government operates. It was written into our national framework, with the advent of free speech. But I get a little angry when every question we ask gets another falsehood as an answer. Our national prestige in the world is in the shitter right now because of W. While during the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, we had the sympathy of every good country on earth. Help was coming in from every corner of the globe, and what did we do? We shit on it. We threw it in the crapper, lied to the world and sold them a phony war. Why did we do this?
Well, there are a variety of reasons, and a few people have come to the conclusion it was for oil, revenge, greed, empire building, or just because we had the weapons and needed to use them. No one knows the real answer. But it certainly wasnt because of WMDs, or Terrorism, or Iraqi nucular ambitions. That was the story they sold us. And they lied, plain and simple, and it should piss people off as much as it has me. They havent produced the evidence. There is no Santa Claus here. No packages of Anthrax wrapped up in pretty bows, no WMDs in the stockings hung by the fire, and no 1000 piece lego sets buried in the desert waiting for the nuclear material to fit into them.
Ask why! Write the white house a letter and ask about it! Call the main 800 line. Ask why you were lied to. And in the meantime, ask why the same administration is keeping a record of your phone calls. Ask why the top officials of the White House gave the name of a CIA agent to the press. Ask why they keep lying to us about everything they are doing, and keep on asking until you get the truth.
In actuality I dont think youll ever get it. They sold us the war like my father sold Santa Claus, and this Christmas present isnt going to come any time soon. The miracle isnt going to be produced. The sad thing is George isnt acting like our national father right now, because he would have been telling us the truth by now. And that is why we should never trust another thing this administration says. Because its all a pack of lies and well never learn the truth at all. Here endeth the rant.